Self-Imposed Exile can only last so long...
So, what has happened since I’ve been otherwise engaged? Everything and nothing, it seems. Pastygate has been and gone, the Govt. (which one is in at the moment? Don’t worry, they’re all the same anyway…) The usual worldwide carnage continues apace but it seems we are offered a brief hiatus as our tiny island hosts the 2012 Olympics. Proceeding better than anticipated,...
Now, I’m sure we’re all grown ups and among friends. Therefore it gives me no shame to admit that on more than three occasions in the past I have partaken of a hot pasty, and I make no excuses, but also cold ones and the odd Cheese & Bacon wrap. I’m not by any measure proud of this previous period of my life, however shameful it may be. I would like to stress that at no...
tumblrbot asked: ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?
Ahemmmmmm! I'm back.
Things that make you go 'Blub', part one...
I always get a bit sad and melancholy when walking home in the rain and seeing a toddler’s handmade playgroup card or picture in the gutter, bleeding its joyous primary colours into the dampness. Why was it discarded? Was it accidentally lost when a busy parent was rushing to get home, or was the child so unnattached to it that they just dropped it on purpose? Will there be briefly...
So it is apparently 2011 A.D.....?
At the arbitrary time interval that passed from 23:59:59 on 31/12/10 into the just as irrelevant 00:00:00 on 01/01/11 in the tick-tock of a clock, I was supposed to fashion a raft of lifestyle changes to improve what? I am at a loss to come up with an adequate explanation for this strange custom…. Nevertheless, a small list of intentions for the next 12months or so wouldn’t go...
Oh, go on then if you must!
….just don’t leave a mess on the carpet, and switch the lights off on your way out.
And Mr. Hannon does it again!
I’ve just finished my first listen of my newly arrived CD, and I have to say that I’m impressed but not surprised. I have been taken on a 45 minute roller-coaster ride that rises to the heights of whimsy one moment, to only plunge once more into introspection. Yet the redoubtable Neil Hannon manages to bravely walk the tightrope without falling into mawkishness or sentimentality. ...
It makes no sense.
Why, when you let another motorist in front of you with no inconvenience, do they give you a big hearty wave, but when you wait about five minutes for someone to crawl their sorry bottom up a narrow street as you ‘obviously’ wait for them, they don’t even acknowledge you? Tell me why!
I like sleeping. Sleep is good. I fancy some of my most pleasant moments in life have been while i have been asleep. In my dreams I walk unfettered amongst monstrously compelling landscapes and urban labyrinths. Yet I know that the moment my senses can bear no more, I have a parachute of mundanity that can drag me back to wakefulness, leaving merely a fleeting phantom recollection of my other,...
Yes. Yes I think that’s about it, in a nutshell. Essentially….
Salad days are numbered...
Eminent nutritional scientists from the University of Nuddhun-Beddahdadooe in Tehran issued a stark warning to health fanatics worldwide yesterday, as they claimed that recent research undertaken over the past three years confirmed that habitual consumption of a salad-heavy diet may cause smugness in the overtly healthy. Studies involving over three thousand test subjects revealed that although...
No. No. I said no, and I meant no...
Pedestrianising at some fair tilt, due to the unfortunate fact that God in his infinite wisdom neglected to insert the requisite number of hours into the day in order for me to conduct my business at any sort of satisfactory pace, I happened to be emerging from the chain store that calls itself ‘Wilkinson’s’. I had purchased various items, most notably bird seed, soluble...
Now, how the feck does this thing work?..
Hello. I don’t get out much. As such, I spend an awful lot of time talking to myself, or swearing at Radio 4. Lately, I have been concerning myself with pooh. There is lots of pooh. The dogs do pooh, and who can blame them? They ingest nourishment like the best of us. Unlike most trained humans, however, the canines have no concept of toilet manners. The owners of the dogs in question are...
Excuse me please......
If people wouldn’t mind. I’m sure your meandering conversations about your children/geriatric maladies/workplace romances are of gripping interest to you and your friends, but please would you kindly refrain from blocking up every retail doorway and public thoroughfare? Some of us have business to attend to…..
Weather you like it or not...
The Met Office said it was cloudy, then changed their minds and claimed that it was raining. There is actually sleety snow. How can I be sure? I looked out of my ruddy window, that’s how!
I was just thinking.
There’s a shop in my town where I live. It’s about a five minute or so walk away, so not that far if you think about it. Obviously it would depend on how fast you walk, and any ongoing disability or deformity, or other incapacity that restricts ones ability to move about unhindered. I would comfortably hazard a guess that your averagely able-bodied 40 year old could easily make it...